why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
