god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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