god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
