3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
