Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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