I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
