Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
