Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
