it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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