I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize