Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
