he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
