Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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