a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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