im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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