It's Friday. Sex?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
