Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
