You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
