i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
