Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
