This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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