sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize