Pappa wants mamma naked
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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