Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
