john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
