i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
