id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
