I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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