my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
