Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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