My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize