SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this beer tastes like vomit already
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
