i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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