I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
