I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
