seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
