Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
