I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
