I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
