I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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