we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
