Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
