I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
