The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
