I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
