Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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