It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
