Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
