I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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