my sisters under your porch take her home
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
