I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
