Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
