your thong is hanging out like whoa
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They took my balls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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