Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want nice things and good sex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
