So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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