ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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