so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
operation harelip BJ is a go
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
