I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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