Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
