dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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