I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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