Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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