We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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