I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is it fun? or sober?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
