...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
