i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
