i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
