final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He? As in you personified your dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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